Sep 5, 2017

Moment in bus

It was a cold and breezy night in London . The trees , the buildings and everything around stood out , in the yellow hue of the street lights .

We were going back home after a movie and dinner . It was then , she asked me why i love her so much and me being a "pretend-frigid" guy most of the time , i replied to her question with a shrug and a smile . She insisted for an answer and when i opened up to tell her why i adore her so much , she kept staring into my eyes and started getting all teary .

I asked her why she was getting this emotional and she pointed at me and gazed into my eyes , only for me to realize that there were tears rolling down my cheeks . So much for the "frigid - emotionless" guy .

She then smiled , wiping them off and rested her head on my shoulder , holding my hands tight and dozed off smiling . There were no more words , no more cold night , as our hearts did the talking and kept us warm .

Looking at her , a smile blossomed on my face and our journey home continued .

Jan 17, 2016

And the story began...

Nothing gives happiness to a writer than the feeling of holding his favourite pen and the words that are magically mustered at his will . The pen shares an intimate bond with him that nothing else can replace . The bond together , transpires a story so beautiful that it takes the breath away from its readers . Thats how a story is born and is relived a million times in the unfettered imagination of its readers and thereby gives life to its characters .

One such pen of a notorious and a secretive writer nudged the characters to write a story of their own on their own, when exchanged with the right person . And thus a story began with the exchange of a pen . The mighty magical pen started to give life to the words and with life , came love . A Love that brought the moon and the sun together , and sealed the fire and water in a magical sphere for eternity . A love that sealed me with her for life .

When we first met , she used to give me a look . I thought she either found me intriguing or outright non-sense . Her eyes could convey a million things in seconds and those eyes had depth that i never thought would consume me . Being a twin , she was special , and the most talkative/active among the two , hyperactive would be the right word  . Its always a whirlwind of emotions and reactions radiating from her .

"Can i have a pen , please ?" , she would ask . Thats all the conversation we had in the initial days . I never thought Linda Goodman who i was introduced to in my college would forge a bridge between us now . I actually barged in on one of her conversations and asked her if she was a scorpio . She gazed at me and smiled . My observation was acknowledged and she asked me to tell more about her. I seemed to have done really well .

She was young , growing up and with a lot of tricks up her sleeve . Palmistry , psychology , tradition and astrology forged conversations . All her words were filled with hope , character , individuality and a dash of irrepressible intelligence . Her enthusiasm was riveting . We started out playing mind games , giving each other half truths and a lot of lies and nudged the other to find the real meaning .She was enjoying it and so was I . We were trying to prove who was more clever . She always had the habit of twirling and twisting her hair on one side and i kept teasing her a lot for that .

I for someone rare reason was forcing her to talk to me in emails . A very rare one ofcourse.  Who types out an email when you whatsapp??!!?? She was intrigued and at the same time annoyed that i didnt think of sharing our phone numbers . I seriously dont know why i resorted to emails with her but that intrigue of hers changed a lot of things .

Days moved , stories were shared , and people connected . A storm was brewing and in this way we both fell head over heels into love .

Initially there was no confession of love from my side , i was rather secretive , but we just randomly jumped into talking about our marriage and making plans for that . We talked a lot about our past and how things transpired to bring us together and feel all nostalgic .

When everyone called me a robot for the lack of emotional responses , she chose the word snowy as in snow man . It was something special and warm . So now me being a typical snow man , i just stood in one place , she had to drag me around and sometimes it really drove her crazy . Then as you can imagine it resulted in a full on war . A war !!! seriously !! My emotions are rather rare and short lived and hers is the exact opposite . My anger would fly away in an instant as i would forget it and it lingers around in her mind consuming her and then she would find light and smile upon me , with so much realization like a mother's smile ( I know why you did that , kinda smile ) .

She is a good singer but is always way too shy to sing for me . I will have to ask her a million times before she goes into a silent mode and when i ask her the reason for silence , she would say that she is getting into the tune and then a melody will follow . She will be solid , in choosing only the songs that matches her range , anything else suggested will be shunned away mercilessly .

My writing , though being average at best , was consider to be good and she liked it too much . She would always ask me to write out an email for her and i would , at times . When i dont , its either a sweet dissapointment ( i know u cant write until you feel like ) or the blow of a war horn . I considered her to be an over sweet idly van . Idly van !! Rare aint it ?? . Thats because she gobbles up idlies like anything and she would want a hundred varities of chutneys with it .Hush-hush , thats a secret .

My entire world became hers . She was instantly a favouite for my mother and to all my friends . They all adored her too much , which sometimes backfired for me . She would say ,
"They all love me so much and you of all people , sit in one place like a rock . Dushta !!" .
Yes i am the dushtan for my raakshashi. I became a dushtan whenever my reactions or words became restricted . I would reason with her , but reasoning with her when she is upset is like trying to make a baby eat something that tastes unpleasant . She would wiggle out of the reasoning zone and there stages a thaandavam , which is better only if i sit silently and watch and anything else makes it a ferocious one .

Whenever im out with friends or family , she wont even ping me . She granted me my space and believe me its a huge space that i demanded and she only smiled for it . She had so much understanding and there was so much freedom . I fell in love with that freedom . I fell with her understanding . I fell in love with her passion and trust .
She sketched for me , wrote letters , emails and she was doing a lot of things . Her passion made her to cook . The easiest way to a man's heart is through his stomach and she knew that very well and she was a natural when it came to cooking . Paayasam  was the first to my heart and when i dunked a spoon and took it out i could see loads of cashew and pista and with that,  all her effort and love .  I am a biriyani fanatic and she is becoming an expert at that too . What more can a foodie wish for than a partner who can cook well and with love !! Blessed , i am .

An opposite to me when it comes to movies . I am crazy about movies and TV series and she being a kid cant sit in one place for minutes together . She would watch a 3 hour movie in 30 minutes and text me with numerous smilies that she finished watching it . I used to be baffled . I still am , how can anyone finish a movie in 20-30 minutes !!! Seriously !!!  Music too calls for a fight . Its a typical Illayaraja VS ARR , with her supporting Illayaraja claiming that all of his work is heavenly and nothing can even come close . I like Illayaraja but can never give up on ARR and so a war is called for .

My indifference , restrictions and selfishness would rattle her and her uncontrollable anger would infuriate me and then begins the clash of the fire and water sealed in a magical globe for eternity . Fight , love , more fights - more love .
Whats so rare about her is that she never expects anything other than time . She is not materialistic , doesnt mind anything about money , values people a lot , cherishes family and understands its importance . In a world where expensive gifts and star hotel treats make women happy , she would be elated with one email from me , a short one is enough to lift her mood up and make her jump in joy . A rare one she is!!!  She is a solid woman , yet a extremely mischievious kid for me . A kid that no one else could have and probably would never see . And that is how the dushtan fell in love with the raakshashi and was consumed by the depths of her magnetic eyes .

Below is a very crude poetry of sorts for her... 

Sundari penne
Kaarmega koondhal azhagi
Meen pola kannazhagi
Muthu siripazhagi
Oyyara nadai azhagi
Agangaara kova azhagi 
Adangaadha kaadhal azhagi
Ende parvathi.. 

Sep 1, 2015

Empty thoughts..

Staring at my phone I sit on a stone bench, with the music of the birds,  the roar of the fountain, the buzzing sound of the bees around these beautiful flowers keeping me company.  The breeze strokes my face gently,  making me forget everything around me and whispers in my ears that happiness is all around. Yes it is,  but for me it seems quite far away...

Way beyond those roaring fountains and the concrete building. This place soothes me,  the place away from faces,  words,  emotions and responsibilities but I can't stay here.  Although I love this little paradise I found, I still have to get back to my world... The world full of keyboards and the usualities.  This patch of green that's  something close to wilderness and the solitude is making me sit for hours and I have been.. But I need to move out..

Here in this paradise of mine,  there is no room for anger,  disappointments,  failure,  or any kind of emotions.  It's just you and the flowers here make you feel the way u want to. This little space of mine... Is what's still holding me...

Hmmm...I should be getting back now.  There is more to say but the words seem to fly away... I just wish that everyone around me is as happy as these trees and flowers are jumping,  dancing and waving in joy and happiness.  A wish... Just a wish...

Jul 1, 2015

**I.T Happens

Yes I said it and I'm sure most of you will agree too.

Over the past few years we all have been running towards an ever changing and a complicated route to an invisible target,  influenced either by the society or our decision to be like everybody else around. 

Technology has made us more efficient and supremely lazy.  This technology thats ruling all our lives demands everything back in return. Years back,  expertise in one skill would have made life easier.  Our dads and grand dads would have lived happily with being an expert in one area.  But now,  time is running fast and specialisation in one area is bound to make you obsolete,  not in the long run,  but in just few years or may be less than that.

Being in I.T field,  expert or trying to be an expert in just one area or tech,  will give you a mighty chance for the coveted pink slip or a way to total oblivion. I understand that there are a lot of no-expert guys around for years,  but would like to not comment on that. One has to keep changing and adapt to the constantly upgrading mechanics.  Be one with the dynamics or don't be at all.

The so called Continous learning is a tedious task.  To adapt,  you might starting learning something on our own. Self learning with nothing but the interest to learn is a total myth.  There has to be strong motivation or else we all know how things will go.  Half way thru or may be before that we will stall that and succumb to the million diversions,  poking us connivingly every day.

Now some people dont give in to this bad habit of learning and would let things go as long as it goes and in the way it does.  These are cool dudes or dudettes. Now I am and I know most of you will come under this category.  We are the ones that find I.T creepy.  There are several Boltons,  Baelish and cerceis around in various roles and levels waiting to slit your throats in April and sometimes whenever there is chance to. 

Apart from being creepy,  everything around is monotonic.  Same bus,  same gate and the same desktop for years to come and please know that I made a 'damn it' face when typing that.  I even try entering via a different gate at some point just for a change and that doesn't help much. This drives us crazy and a sub-section of us begins to think .

These dudes and dudettes go through these phase in I.T , shocking similar to the 6 stages of exorcism :P.  Please note that guys with girl friends or wife in I.T do not fit into this category.  No comments on that species too ( aama da jealousy dhan)

1. The Presence. The field establishes its presence and lures you in .

2. Pretense. Attempts to make you believe in work life balance , career growth and a peaceful life and a buttload of money .

3. Breakpoint. This is the 2 year confirmation and the namesake promotion that will state its firm hold on you .

4. The Voice. Also a sign of the Breakpoint, the Voice is inordinately alluring and promises a change in everything . This phase will involve onsite and the good payslips tagged with that .

5. The Clash. As the Voice dies out, there is a tremendous pressure and the need to stand on your own legs . This is the phase where you begin to explore other carrer options for life thats in your control . The battle begins between the comfort I.T offers and the urge to move out ( this includes jumping to another company , going for higher studies and starting an own business )

6. Expulsion. In a supreme triumph of your will to break free of cluthes and be self made, the person leaves , and the honour is reclaimed. 

Whats happens then , should mostly be happy . 

Im currently in the 5th phase . I might win it over or surrender to it but every person i see , right from auto drivers , gym owner and any investment banker i accidentally get to meet , im asking for options and ideas , collecting details through every new thing i get to see , for me to establish something on my own and be my own employer . As said before , all these could die out for numerous reasons , leaving me tapping the keys in my key board for years . Lets see how things goes . 

Now which stage are you in ??