Skip to main content

Pushing the limit

 

No one knows anyone completely , we choose what to show and what to see . There are always some exceptions to this like our Mom , Dad or a very close friend who you have given the keys to open many doors of our life .

I cannot comment on how the Gen-Pop is , but I do no trust anyone with those keys that easily . There are always tests before you get to trust someone completely and let them in and there is always someone , who just directly gets into your heart , you cant explain why but that always happens . There are always some people in everyone’s life who just earn our trust in a very short time and become our world outside family , sometimes as everything . In my case , it’s a friend .

Many walls around me ,just turned to dust for him . This level of trust and the “no-limit” relationship is new to me . I had serious doubts , I just couldn’t believe myself that I smashed and changed so many for him . My friend sensed my perturbations . No explanations could convince me or erase the doubts I had as to why I changed for him . So involuntarily I kept testing him . He clearly knew what I was doing , he understood me and let me do whatever I want . Every single test ,proved me wrong . Then slowly things developed , I understood TRUE friendship .

My ability to clean my mind of the hurtful things people have told me , either intentionally or the other way around , is seriously bad . They just get glued to my memories and wont fade away . Whenever I get cranky , all these come to my mind and just makes things worse . I don’t mind saying anything bad to those who intentionally told me things , but not to those who might have told things accidentally or for fun . But I couldn’t prevent myself from doing so . I just hurt them . Apologizing later might cool things a bit , but I often leave a scar .

I have been doing the same thing , even to the friend I talked about . When I sulk , I prick . Opening up so much for a person have made me develop  a few expectations and at sometimes they do hurt . Well not just me but the one involved as well . I shout , and at times I don’t . I talk indifferently to him , but I let him know that im hurt . Few minutes past , I realize that the fault is mine and I apologize . But those few minutes of anger , makes me say so many things that I regret later .

To this person , everything is always way beyond extra . Its just limitless . My friendship and anger – both . Its like , when there is any issue or problem – work or in general, I show it all to him , even if he didn’t do anything wrong . I let out my steam , even if he doesn’t even have any idea of what happened . But the best part is , he stands upfront , takes it all , listens to it all and finally when I am done , he jokes at something and make me laugh or probably sing , at times . He almost takes in everything I say and just smiles back . I wonder how a person can be this patient .

If he had done something wrong (acc to me) or didn’t do something that he promised he would , I jump in anger and even then , he smiles and apologizes. Once I asked him , if he will ever get fed up or angry – he just smiled and said never . Every time after such an incident , I go through a phase of self-loathing , shame and seeking apology . But everytime , I keep wondering if I am pushing it too hard and worried if things might break . These almost happen regularly . My worries that I am making things hard for him and that I keep torturing him and that I steal away his space , keep getting worse and I end up going through those phases again .

I hope he is as strong as he is now , and take all this in . I have invested so much in him and I certainly don’t want things to go south . May be I actually will change as I have in may areas , just for him .

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Jeova sanctus unus

One of the world’s greatest scientists.He was an alchemist, a member of the Royal Society of London, a Rosicrucian, and he signed some of his most secretive science papers with a pseudonym — ‘Jeova Sanctus Unus’ ! which means “One True God”. He signed his name that way because, like the ancient Adepts, he understood himself as divine. In addition, because the sixteen letters in Jeova Sanctus Unus could be rearranged to spell his name in Latin, making it a perfect pseudonym. Jeova Sanctus Unus is an anagram of a famous alchemist’s name in Latin. Latin interchanges the letters J for I and the letter V for U, which means Jeova Sanctus Unus can actually be perfectly rearranged to spell this man’s name. Isaacus Neutonuus. Newton’s name had always been a recurring guidepost for those seeking secret knowledge. Great man and a brilliant one indeed!!! A List of Prominent Pseudonyms [N.B. - née, nee (adj.) appears in American English both with and without the acute accent of its orig...

Sa re ga ma–again . Oh! Plzzz

  NO OFFENSE INTENDED . Its always a pleasant thing to listen to music when you are completely bored or stressed out . But the music I listen to , in college . Phew….will come to that later . Most of my classes in college are totally boring these days . My friends , open up their mobile phones , keep them under the desk and start messaging to their friends , in such cases .I am not the always-texting kinda guy , so I just pretend listening and Im quite good at that . Boring lecture are always comfortable for many , as they could do whatever they want , than to listen .But I prefer them to be interesting. Wait !! Wait !! Don’t get any ideas .Definitely not to listen but to escape from my aquarian friend (My best pal). An interesting class with equations and derivations will keep him busy . He sticks his head to his notebook and comes out with doubts and questions .He very well knows that im not the one to ask questions to , so he deals all that stuff with others . Think that ...

Always Together

  Sketch , by me :-)   Ease your storm , My Love You needn’t worry You needn’t fear Time cannot separate us For I , hold the power to control it Fate can never take you away from me We shall Always be Together . Always Together .