Well, where do i start?
I have always wondered why good relationships break.. be it good friendship or any other... why do people get so mad on their closest ones and sometimes even get to the extent of not even being able to look at the person for the rest of their lives... I have been obsessing about these since my college days. Then i started to think. What is the reason behind a fight.. well we are definitely not concerned about the scenarios here. I mean the mindset.... What goes wrong there?
When we hear good things about others, we acknowledge it by jus nodding along... well basically we don't react much... On the contrary, when we hear something bad about anyone, we do more than jus nodding along.. Well our closest ones are in no exception.. Only difference being that when it comes to judging our closed ones we jus don listen to strangers.. but when it comes out from another close friend of ours.. God save the other guy... So, what is the reason behind this? Ego, Lack of Trust most importantly Lack of Understanding?? These are the immediate things that enter into anyone's mind. I have always thought there could be something more... But before coming to any conclusion, lets analyze the most important factor... "Understanding someone"...
So, is lack of understanding the main cause?? but before that we have more important question to be answered first... What do we mean by Understanding someone? Actually i haven't got a clear explanation for this from anyone so far... How do we understand a person? Lets put some thought into this.
When we meet new people in our college, the first few months will be about how we spent our previous stage of life (Schooling)... This is the case every time we enter into a new stage of life.. Slowly we get acquainted with the new stage. Now, we are in need of new friends. So, we hang out with the first few people we meet.. and life goes on.. Now, what effort have me made to understand any of these people? Getting back to the Understanding part... We watch our friends (basically ppl we regularly hang out with) closely day by day.. See how they react.. see how they handle any situations.. We observe and at one point we come to conclusion that the person has some characteristics in dominance and finally make up our mind and say "I know that guy".(Well really?? mind u... most of the times we see a person handling the same type of situation... well of course in college we really don't have much to handle..) Now, this understanding is basically a mere inference of what we have observed.. So, we haven't actually understood them.. We jus have our perception stored in our mind. Well, thats not the worst part now.. This understanding of ours turns into an expectation in due course. And now is a bigger problem.. Lets say we are facing some issue with our friends. Now, we would expect the person to react in a way of our understanding (So would the other friends). Now we have two situations.. First, when the person reacts in the way we expected or even in a better way, our respect for that person increases and we use statements like "Wow, machan he s great da!!!"... Well the opposite scenario (the bitter one).. If the person reacts in an opposite way..he s screwed... and now the statement goes "I dint expect this from him.. I thought he was way better person"(this is the decent version.. you guys know the actual scenario).. Now the big question, "whose fault is it really?????"
No one tells us about their character. It is left to us.. So, is it the mistake of a person who is being original or the person who expects another person to behave according to one's expectations?? So, is "Understanding more important for a good relationship or Accepting people without judging them?" Well, i d say that acceptance is more important than understanding for a good relationship and lack of acceptance could be the main reason for jeopardizing any good relationship..
- A post by Krishna Kumar a.k.a KK a.k.a Tarukey